The Unexpected Date

 Here's another play I wrote to keep you sated until the next installment of The Paradigm Demurred.  Life's been getting in the way lately, but the next two episodes are coming soon, so keep an eye out.

Characters:

Claire-  A gorgeous 20 year old college student.  Used to being the most beautiful in the room.  Slightly stuck-up, she tends to ignore things that aren’t about her.

Ashley-  Claire’s best friend.  Ashley and Claire party together almost every weekend.  Ashley has more of an outgoing personality than Claire, and is considered by many to be more fun. 

Tobey-  Ashley’s much older brother, he had been something of a legend when Ashley and Claire were in high-school.  Overweight, academically slow, and a clinger, most people tend to avoid being trapped in a conversation with him.

The scene opens  with Claire and Ashley sitting in Ashley’s living room while discussing Tobey.  Claire is upset that he won’t leave her alone, but Ashley attempts to reassure her.

Claire- (whispering)  Why is your brother always looking at me all funny?

Ashley-  He’s just curious, I don’t know…

Claire-  But he’s like, 33, right?

Ashley-  So maybe he’s a little older…

Claire-  A LITTLE?!!

Ashley-  Okay, more than a little…  But he’s not that bad- harmless!

Claire-  You mean creepy.  He’s been watching me all night!  When I went to use the bathroom about an hour ago, he was right outside when I opened the door.

Ashley-  That is kind of gross…

Claire-  And last week, I kept getting “ghost” calls on my cell-phone.  I’ll bet you money it was your brother.

Ashley-  Tobey is sweet, he’s just figuring his life out still.

Claire-  At 33?!!  He should have nailed that 10 years ago.

Ashley-  Well…  Tobey’s always been special.

Claire-  The guy lives with his mom, Ash.  I could never date a guy that lived at home.

Ashley-  You did in high school.  That was only two years ago.

Claire-  Yeah, but those guys were in high school too.  Your brother is old enough to have kids of his own now.

Ashley-  Just call him Tobey, not “your brother”.

Claire-  Whatever…

*Tobey enters

Claire-  glances and sees Tobey (under her breath)  Great…

Tobey-  Hey Ash…  Claire.

Ashley-  Tobey!  We were just talking about you.

Claire-  (stubbornly)  No, we weren’t…

Tobey-  (excitedly) Yeah?!!

Ashley-  Yeah!

Claire-  No…

Tobey-  Wow, that really makes my day!

Claire-  It shouldn’t.

Ashley-  (turning to Claire)  See, he’s not so bad.

Claire-  …

Ashley-  I’m going to use the toilet upstairs.  All that iced-tea just hit me at once.

Claire-  No, don’t leave me with…

Ashley-  You’ll be fine, jeez.  Take care of  Claire, Tobey!

Tobey-  (ogling)  Oh, yeah…

Claire-  (whispering to Ashley loudly)  NO!!!

Ashley-  Be right back!

*Ashley runs out of the room and up the stairs in the main hall.

Claire-  Great.

*Claire looks at Tobey, who is staring at her over the open refrigerator door.

Claire-  Can I help you?

Tobey-  Who, me?  No, I was just…  getting some of these ketchup packets.  (holds them up).

Claire-  Why?  I mean, for what, Tobey?  Huh?

Tobey-  (in awe)  Wow.

Claire-  What?

Tobey-  I think that’s the first time you’ve ever said my name.

Claire-  Don’t get used to it, I just said it to be nice.

Tobey-  It was.  Thank you, Claire.

*Tobey opens the microwave and removes a hot dog.  He places the ketchup packets on the plate and sits down next to Claire.

*Claire puts her hand on her forehead, so it blocks her view of Tobey, and faces the other direction.

Tobey- (taking a bite out of the hot dog)-  So, how long have you and Ash been friends?

Claire-  (still turned away)  Long time.

Tobey-  I see…  You know, Claire, I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a while now.

Claire-  What’s that?

Tobey-  Did it hurt…

Claire-  Oh, God.

Tobey-  …when you fell from heaven?

Claire-  No, but you’re going to if you don’t leave me alone.  I have a boyfriend, you know.

Tobey-  Trent, right?  Isn’t he half Mexican, but doesn’t speak any Spanish?

Claire-  That’s right- his English is all that I care about anyway.

Tobey-  Just seems sad, not knowing your roots.  I come from Italy, lineage-wise.  Most of my relatives speak Italian.

Claire-  I know you don’t, so why bother?

Tobey-  Yeah…  Hey, back in high school you know what they used to call me?

Claire-  What?

Tobey-  “Big Tobey”.

Claire-  I don’t even want to know…

Tobey-  I was a big guy, and I loved to party.  This one time…

Claire-  (abruptly cutting him off)  That’s nice!  I don’t care.  (getting up)  Where the heck is Ashley?

Tobey-  She’s not coming back, at least not until tomorrow.  You see, this is our special night.

Claire-  No, it isn’t

Tobey-  Sure it is.  I gave my sister $200 if she’d leave us alone together for the night.

Claire-  (backing up)  I don’t…  I don’t believe you.  (shouting)  Ashley!  Ash!!!

Tobey-  I told you, she’s not here.

Claire-  But she…

Tobey-  Went to the bathroom?  No, she left.  She’s at a club right now.  Or at least on her way.

Claire-  (struck with reality)  Stay away from me Tobey.

*Claire takes out her cell-phone and tries dialing Ashley.

Claire-  Come on, pick up!

Tobey-  (sighs)  I already told you, she’s leaving us alone for the night.  She won’t answer.

*Phone keeps ringing, but goes to voicemail.

Claire-  (leaving a message)  Okay Ashley, haha, very funny.  We all had a laugh now, see?  You can come back and pick me up, and we can find some real guys tonight.  Call me when you get this.

*Claire hangs up her phone and puts it in her purse.

Tobey-  Nice, but are you done now?

Claire-  What do you want with me?  (in disgust and frustration)  Ughh!

Tobey-  Just a chance.

Claire-  Then go back in time, get a real job, lose that weight, and hit the gym.  And you wanna’ know the biggie?  MOVE OUT OF YOUR PARENT’S HOUSE!!!

Tobey-  My folks are out of town for the weekend, so really, it’s almost as good as living on my own.

Claire-  No, it isn’t-  not even close.

Tobey-  Sure it is.  When the parents are away, the kids can play.

Claire-  I would NEVER play with you.  (scoffs, looking him up and down)  I have standards.

Tobey-  You meet all my standards.

Claire-  …

Tobey-  So what do you say, Claire, want to sit down and watch a movie with me?

Claire-  Hell, no.  Okay, that’s it, I’m leaving.

Tobey-  But I was going to make us Margaritas- I’ll bet your boyfriend doesn’t know how to do that.

Claire-  He does it just fine, thanks.

Tobey-  Suit yourself then.

*Claire picks up her coat and purse to leave, but when she turns, Tobey bludgeons her over the head with a club of some sort.

Tobey-  (standing over Claire’s unconscious body)  I tried…  I really did.  Now you’ll see that I’m not just some fat guy living at home, I’m a human being!

Fades to black

Claire-  Owwww!  (tears stream from her eyes)

*Tobey comes into view.

Claire-  You!

Tobey-  I tried to warn you, Claire, but you wouldn’t listen to me.  Now this is what it’s come to (gesturing with his open arms).

Claire-  I’m sorry, Tobey.  (Tobey grabs her hair in his meaty hands, and pulls)  I’ll take you seriously!  Owwww!!!  You’re hurting me!

*Claire is hysterical upon awakening, and in pain from the blow to her head.  However, she begins regaining her senses.

Tobey-  I can tell now, you’re not the relationship kind of girl.  But at least we’re going to always have tonight together, right?  (tugs Claire’s hair again)  Right?!

Claire-  Right!  Let go!

*Tobey releases her hair from his grip.

Tobey-  Okay, I just did you a favor.  So, what’re you going to do for me to say “thank you”?

Claire-  Please, Tobey…

Tobey-  You know, I love hearing you say my name.  It somehow becomes majestic when you say it.  (imitating Claire)  “Tobey…”  I guess that’s all the thanks I need right now.

*Tobey gets up and walks towards the door.

Claire- You’ll never get away with this; you’re a freak!

*Tobey turns.

Tobey-  “A freak”?  That’s awfully harsh.  I’m just an artist, and you’re my exquisite canvas.  Try and stay still until I get back.

Claire-  (scoffs)

*Tobey smiles and walks out the door, peaking through the opening at Claire once more before closing it.

Claire-  (screaming in distress)  AGHHHH!!!

*Claire looks around the room and realizes the bedposts are loose.  Giving it a few rough tugs, she manages to break one of them off, freeing her left arm.

Claire-  Got it!

*Claire frees herself from the remaining restraints.

Claire-  Now to get out of here!

*Claire hears footsteps, and knows Tobey has returned.  Quickly, she hides in his closet.

*Tobey enters, clad in assless leather chaps.

Tobey-  I changed my clothes, so…  What the hell?!  Oh man, what…  Claire?!

*Tobey is noticeably distraught, and begins searching his room frantically for Claire.

Tobey-  You little bitch, where are you?  Claire!  Dammit, where are you?!!  That bitch!

*Tobey opens the closet doors, and Claire springs into action, clubbing him across the face with the broken wooden bed post.  She continues beating him until he ceases to move.  She runs out of the room.

*Claire reaches the door, but it’s locked and won’t budge.

Claire-  (screams violently, shaking the door)

*Claire runs into the family room and picks up a chair, throwing it through the window.  She escapes.

*Claire sees the next door neighbor in his yard and runs towards him.  The man sees her, and instantly realizes that she’s in trouble from her disheveled appearance.

Man-  My God, are you okay?!  What happened?!

*Claire takes a moment to catch her breath, but begins crying instead.  The neighbor puts his hand on her back, trying his best to console her.

Claire-  (still sobbing, with blood and tears running down her face)  Call the police!  I killed him…  Oh God, I killed him.  (Claire breaks down)

End scene