Let me ask you a question: what do you do when you're being stared at?
I was at the mall the other day with the girl I'm seeing, and I noticed something peculiar. People seemed to be staring at us, and it was getting annoying to the point that she commented on it. I laughed, because what can you do about something like that, and we were having a good time, so we tried to ignore it. Though in reality, it was still in the back of my mind, and I couldn't let go... So, I made the decision to stare back, and that's when something quite amazing dawned on me. It was a dominance thing.
It was like a game of chicken. The first person to break eye-contact was the chicken, and the one who remains asserts dominance- the alpha male/female. Prior to this revelation, when I noticed someone staring at me, I would break eye-contact immediately once our gazes met, looking at the ground, in the sky, or pretending my interest lied elsewhere. But this created a bad feeling inside me, though I had no idea why. The other person would walk a little taller when they passed as well. It wasn't an obvious feeling, but somehow, I felt like I was getting owned.
Well no more- I maintained that if I was going to feel bad when I looked away from people's stare, then I would force myself to look. Literally, I imagined somebody was holding my head in place, and pointing in front of me, saying "look". I locked eyes with the next guy, and was surprised when he averted his gaze. When we passed, he had his head down, but I remained forward facing. What a revelation! We humans are not so different from monkeys as we'd like to believe, and this just further proved that fact. I smiled a bit inside, and decided to practice this for the remainder of the day.
In my trial study, I found about nine out of ten people will avert eye-contact with a person who stares at them. In fact, most beautiful people will avert their gaze first! How crazy is that? The people you would think would have the most self-confidence are no better than anyone else. When I would lock eyes with a beautiful girl, most would immediately look away when they saw my intent stare, but as soon as I was walking by, they would actually check me out! No kidding. As I talked about in an earlier blog post, attraction isn't an intelligent thing. If it were intelligent, nice guys would get the girl, and nice girls would get the guy. No, it's a primal thing, and dominance is nothing if not primal.
Most of us are afraid to lock eye-contact with a stranger, because it is a challenge for dominance. But I say to you, it's okay. Be aware of whom you lock eyes with, as thugs in an inner city are probably best to avoid- likewise, people who are really pumped up (like at a military base, or outside a gym). And should the person you engage not back down, and indeed mean to make trouble, only a fool would resort to violence in this instance. Simply compliment the other person, for they are on your level. Recognize and appreciate them for it- you can do this by saying something about you were just thinking they looked like a celebrity, or you wondered how they did that with their hair, ect. I guarantee you that the other person, unless a complete psycho, will defuse, and become your ally, for you have shown them a mutual respect. Two alpha dogs can play with each other, and those are the best allies you can have in this world. For an alpha is someone who won't back down, and won't be afraid to back you up, should you need it.
This is my challenge to you: the next time you are out, engage in eye contact with as many strangers as possible. Force yourself to look at them in the eyes, and play that little game of chicken. By the end of the day, you will feel like a million bucks, and everyone will think you're the most confident person they know, be it true or not. But it's not important, because really, it's all an illusion, and nobody is really all-knowing and all-capable. The only thing that matters is that you do, and others see you as capable and confident. For as I said before- humans are like monkeys, and mistake emotion for reason most of the time. And when one thinks with their emotions, they are easily manipulated.
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